Some mental house cleaning

As some of you know, I have suffered from bouts of depression since my pre-teens. I made my first (and only) suicide attempt at the ripe old age of 11 or 12 and I did some semi high risk behaviours in my teens and early twenties to try and just FEEL something. I was so confused about what I was feeling that I didn't feel like I was actually living. So after more than 20 years of suffering, I'm doing something about it. Yes, I'm airing my dirty undies for all to see...I'm only human you know.

I have tried different antidepressants over the years and I've done some counselling half heartedly. I've also done an out patient program that was great while I was in it but I sunk to the bottom again once it was over. I have cut myself, dated the "wrong" men, ignored friends and put myself in harms way to try and get an understanding of who I was and what I was doing on this earth. I may not have all the answers yet but I'm learning.

Because of my depression, I knew that I was a prime candidate for Post Partum Depression. After Nathan, I was depressed but it wasn't too bad. I was more weepy but I got through it on my own. I "learned" how to suck it up and just get on with life. It wasn't the best way of doing things but I managed. After Nicholas, I was a basket case. I cried over everything. I didn't have a sense of myself or my family. I was lost and alone in so many ways.

When I was getting close to my due date for Nolan, I decided that I was NOT going to feel like I did the last two times. I started to make appointments and gather supports BEFORE the meltdowns started. I knew logically that I had to do this myself FOR myself. If I couldn't help me then who else could?

After Nolan was born I was angry with everything. Nothing was right in my world. Nathan and Nic were doing everything to push my buttons, Stephen wasn't helping, I had no one to support me. Well, at least that is how I was feeling. Right or wrong, that is what I felt like. I finally broke down and asked my doctor for antidepressants. I tried to avoid them because I didn't want to put more chemicals into my body but I realized that I wasn't going to get better without them.

As well, I started seeing a counsellor. We've only had a couple of appointments but already I'm seeing some emotional relief or even just a release. I'm not one to ask for help. I'm an only child who was always fairly independent. I did things my way and that was the only way I knew. Again, right or wrong, that is how I managed. I always figured that I could do it myself or someone would see that I was struggling and would come to my rescue. It would obviously entail some mind reading though because I often would put on a facade to not let anyone know how screwed up I was.

I tried to put forward a clean, well put together front so no one could judge me. I didn't need anyone to judge me because I did plenty of that myself. I am my harshest critic. Someone in the past year asked why I allow people around me to be human but cannot allow that of myself. I couldn't answer that. I hold myself in sharp criticism and expect perfection. If I can't be perfect then why even try? It's still something I have to work on.

As it stands right now, I'm on an antidepressant that is doing wonders for me. At first I was very worried. I felt numbed out...I THOUGHT I wasn't crying, I wasn't angry, I wasn't happy, I wasn't anything. Then I realized...I was having normal emotional responses to my life. I have had over 20 years of intense, blinding emotions that a quieter, more normal response was very disconcerting. I started to cry when it was warranted instead of over every comment, commercial, song, TV program, etc. I yelled when the kids were doing something dangerous or overtly against the rules. I laughed when something was funny and not because I was nervous or insecure. It's a whole new reality for me.

I pointed out to Stephen that he met me with depression, he married me with depression, he has worked with me through the good times and bad with depression and now I'm trying to make beneficial changes to myself. He's happy for me that I'm doing this for myself. He knows that if I can work through my issues then it can only benefit us as a couple and us as a family. My children deserve a sane, put together Mommy and that is what I intend to do.

Holy Smacker-doodle! She's ALIVE!!!!

No, I haven't actually fallen off the face of the earth. Close...but not true! So much has been happening and I haven't found the time (or the creativity) to post.

Of course the big news is that Nolan Mitchell Lee finally arrived. He was born on Sept 5th at 1:01 am. He weighed in at a hefty 10 lbs 9 oz and 22 inches long. He's a pretty good baby...he's finally learning that when he sees that bright light in the sky it is day time and he needs to be awake more. The Darkness is when he's supposed to be sleeping. He's usually eating around midnight then again around 3 or 4 then another feeding around 6 or 7. Not too bad for night time feedings.

Nathan and Nicholas still think Nolan is the cat's pyjamas! Nathan likes to try and tote Nolan around and to feed him. I can't quite convince him to change diapers though. Still working on that one. LOL Nicholas likes to be in close contact with Nolan too. He always wants to hug and kiss Nolan or to hold his hand or foot. I can only hope that the boys all maintain that close contact and actually enjoy growing up together.

Nathan has now turned 7 and has started in Grade One. The original class had 27 students so they split it into 2 classes. Nathan seems to really like his teacher. One of his favourite things is that she has a bracelet with a REAL spider in it. Hey, its a conversation piece! LOL

Nicholas is now 4 and finally coming into his own in respect to socialization. Now that he's a big brother, he talks to anyone and everyone about the baby. Nolan is Nicholas's favourite conversation piece. (Please! Let them still like each other in the coming years! LOL)

Stephen has started a new job AGAIN!!! He is working up in Fort McMurray at Suncor. The schedule is kind of retarded but once he gets into the swing of things (and gets all access to the computer systems he's expected to work with) it won't seem so out of the ordinary. For the time being, he is able to take 3 day weekends so that he can drive home and be with us for a couple of days each week. We're adjusting...it's what we do! LOL

As for me...I'm just hanging about, being me and getting used to being the Mom of 3 highly demanding and strong willed boys. They definitely take after their Father! LOL

Eventually I'll get some photos up of the boys. Just know that I'm still here and lurking about on every one's blogs...Are you all feeling WATCHED now? LOL

Nic's Gall Bladder Surgery

I just realized that I hadn't updated my blog about Nic's surgery! Guess I've been a little distracted. LOL

We went in as per scheduled but the surgery was delayed by about an hour. I guess the ORs can get a little backed up at times. LOL Daddy put on the silly gown and cap and carried Nic into the operating room. They looked at a book while the doctors got busy putting in the IV and sending him off to dream land. Apparently he didn't even fuss when the needle went in so the EMLA cream did it's job.

Stephen and I walked down the hall from the ORs and found my friend Hope looking around for us. She stopped by on her lunch break for a quick hug and a little added support. Stephen and I ended up just wandering aimlessly for a while, nibbled on sandwiches brought from home and tried to be patient.

After the surgery, Nic was in recovery for a while then he was taken upstairs to a post-op observation ward. He stayed nicely passed out for a couple more hours and was still sleeping when the surgeon came around on rounds. Because Nic was still passed out for those rounds, we had to stay the night. I wasn't happy but what can a Mommy do? LOL

When Nic FINALLY woke up, he wanted to eat and drink everything in sight. I had just bought myself a burger from downstairs and he wanted that thing with all of his being. The nurses said he could have ice chips but they didn't go over very well. LOL I snuck him some apple juice and he was a little happier. Then we tried toast and that went down like a dream! So juice, toast and finally part of a muffin ended up being his menu that evening and night.

Once he was awake, he was AWAKE! Like I said, he wanted to eat and drink everything. I had to go down the hall to get his toast and juice and when I came out of the kitchen, there's Nic, standing there with his IV pole! He was bored and didn't want to wait for me to come back. That was it...he wanted to walk everywhere! We toured the 5th floor and our ward, sat and watched some TV, wandered some more, got snacks, wandered some more, watch more TV...and on and on it went.

When the nurses saw that he was drinking, eating, walking and peeing with no complaints, they turned down and finally turned off his IV. He had to keep the IV port in overnight just in case but the IV pole didn't need to be towed along anymore.

Nic's roommate had just had surgery to put a metal rod in his leg so was in a lot of pain and in traction. He was screaming every 2 hours or so, so Nic and I didn't get a lot of sleep. The nurses kept apologizing but it didn't increase my sleep any. LOL

The surgeon's resident and a couple of lackeys came around at 6am and verbally released Nic. We got dressed and waited for the papers to be "filed" in our chart and for the IV to be removed. I knew that it was close to shift change so I tried to be patient. LOL When a student nurse came in to do Nic's vital signs, she almost fell over that we were both dressed and packed to go. She got his release papers and the prescription and took out the IV and the two of us RAN out of the hospital. Neither one of us wanted to be there anymore. LOL

We drove back to Stony Plain, got his painkillers and scooted home. Stephen and Nathan were pretty happy to see us and we just wanted to rest some more. It took a while to get us back on a proper sleep schedule but we're doing better.

He came through the surgery like a champ and healed beautifully. The incisions are really tiny, like the width of my fingernail tiny. He still guards his tummy a little and doesn't want it to be pushed on but he's playing and wrestling and being a boy just like normal. Like anything/anyone in my house is NORMAL! LOL

The worries of a munchkin

Here I am, the night before Nicholas's surgery trying to figure out how to keep him calm. He's been really whiny, clingy and demanding. Everything is setting him off and his reactions are over the top for the circumstances.

He was mad at Nathan because Nathan got to what I asked for first and grabbed it. Nicholas started to swing because HE wanted to get it for me and Nathan of course defended himself. Well...that set Nic off into absolute hysterics. He finally got an apology from Nathan (Nathan had hurt him a little with a glancing head butt) but he was still sobbing. Even me holding him wasn't enough to calm him. He finally said that he was scared about the operation tomorrow. He's afraid of the "pokies". I sat him down and said that I'd be honest with him and tell him what he wanted to know.

He wanted all the details from the time we got up until the end of the day. I told him about going through admitting, getting jammies on and then getting a cream on his hands so that the pokie won't hurt so much. I tried to explain that Mommy or Daddy will take him into the operating room and hold him until he falls asleep then when he wakes up, we'll come and sit with him until it's time to go home. When I explained that I'll have his blanket and his stuffed "Moosie" he was happier.

Hopefully I can get him off to bed tonight with little fanfare. He's looking forward to getting up early so that he can have some Jello. (He can have clear fluids and Jello until 4 hours before surgery.) Isn't that just like a kid! LOL

So, be thinking about us tomorrow at 11:30. Hopefully they'll be on time so that he isn't kept waiting without food for too much longer than is necessary. That's Mommy's worry. LOL

A turn of events

There has been a bit of a change in plans. This change is going to help my stress level go down...just a little bit. LOL

I got a phone call from the hospital again this morning. There has been a cancellation so they can bump Nicholas up to have surgery on July 29th! He'll go to the Pre-Admission clinic on Friday to be weighed and measured to get the meds figured out. I'll find out on July 28th what time we have to be at the hospital.

It's been set up for Nicholas to stay the night but if he comes through with flying colours, the surgeon might release him that day. So as long as I don't have this baby this weekend, I'm rocking and rolling!

Nicholas has been complaining since Monday night that his belly hurts. He's acting like the beginning of a major attack but there hasn't been any vomiting yet so we may be in luck. I think he may be looking for attention rather than actually being in pain. I've been watching a 10 month old in the evening all week and I'll have him the rest of the week too. I think Nicholas is a little jealous and is making sure Mommy is still here and still very much in love with him. We'll have to see how this all develops. IF he's not faking, he may be dealt with even earlier but we'll see. We'll see!

Busy, Busy, Busy

So much is happening and it seems like not enough time to do it in. LOL I'm at an All-You-Can-Eat Buffet and I need to be kicked out...TOO MUCH ON MY PLATE!!!! LOL

5 weeks and 4 days left until my expected due date and I still need to clean out that room and set up the crib. Minor details is washing and sterilizing the bottles, nipples, toys and pump.

Nicholas has finally been booked for surgery. He's having his gizzard yanked on September 2nd. Yeah, only a couple days after my due date and Nathan's first day of Grade One. Oh what fun! Like I didn't have enough other things on my mind!

On a slightly different (yet very related) note, is it bad to be slightly tempted to send Nic into an attack to see if they'll deal with him sooner? Yeah, I thought so...Bad Idea. LOL

We're still waiting to have more assessments on Nathan. It'll be nice to try and figure out what wires are crossed and how we can help him be the best Nathan he can be.

It appears that I'll be re-opening the day home earlier than expected. We'll see how it pans out this time. I'm considering going through the day home agency to try and make sure I have a full house and to not have to deal with tracking down clients to get paid. Getting into the agency may prove difficult but I'm starting the paperwork now to try and get started soon after the baby comes.

I'm trying to get the house prepped for baby and the day home. Cleaning, re-organizing, purging, etc. It's enough to make your head spin.

So my life is busy...I'm doing everything but completing nothing. LOL Where does the time go? LOL

So close

We are so close to being done!

The bunk bed arrived this morning so the boys will be sharing a room by this weekend. Now, to try and figure out how to keep their clothes separate. LOL

All the baby essentials are in the house and ready to be installed. The car seats will be dealt with this weekend to ensure they fit in our respective vehicles. The crib will be wiped down and assembled in the near future (after moving Nic to Nathan's room) and then I can deal with the basket of baby clothes that need to be put away. I have a little more stuff to wash before baby arrives (toys, bottles, soothers, etc) but I'm essentially done with that.

I have started to pack my hospital bag. My toiletries are set except for my glasses and I've got most of the socks, undies and jammies that I need. I still need to figure out what I'm taking for the baby but that'll be done in the near future too.

Giving in a little to my OCD side, I have packed a small emergency bag for in the vehicle. Nothing much, just a couple of towels, a snot sucker and some garbage bags. An online friend, who is also pregnant right now, asked what that was for. My response was in case I go into labour while we're out and about, I can sit or lay on the garbage bags and towels and not bleed or leak amniotic fluid on the seats of the vehicles. It seems logical to me...LOL OK, I'm paranoid and a little OCD but if it makes the Mommy happy then it is all right!

7 Weeks 2 days left until my expected due date...It's coming faster than I thought.

8 weeks left

I don't know how this happened so fast, I have 8 weeks left until my expected due date. It seems like not that long ago that it was January/February and I was just announcing my Oopsie! LOL

Any ways, this has been my healthiest pregnancy so far. No high blood pressure, no complications with the baby, no gestational diabetes, nothing really bad. Sure I'm having the typical pregnancy related discomforts but they are manageable. I'm a little anemic but iron supplements fix that pretty fast. Other than that, I'm just melting in the heat. Sweating like a man comes to mind. LOL

I have to see the OB every 2 weeks now. The boys have been coming with me lately and they love to hear the baby's heartbeat. They think it sounds squishy or watery. I just like the sound. LOL

I'm measuring a little larger than average but I'm not surprised. Nathan was born at 38 weeks and was 7 lbs 12 oz. If I'd gone the full 40 weeks, I'm sure he'd have been 8 or 9 lbs easily. Nicholas was born within days of his due date and was 9 lbs 3 oz. With history and measuring a little large, I figure this one will be around 9 lbs too. Gee I hope the sleepers and diapers I bought are big enough...Yikes! LOL

Overall I'm pretty much ready for baby to arrive. The only thing that still needs to be purchased is a car seat. We're looking at a Britax Marathon for in the car (better fit with 2 boosters) and an infant carrier seat for in the van. I figure it'll be easier when I'm alone with the munchkins to have a carrier seat to attach to the shopping carts. LOL

We've also ordered a bunk bed for Nathan and Nicholas. It's a single bed over a double bed. We've already got the mattresses so we're just waiting on the frame. It's on back order so it could arrive any time between now and the end of August. I hope it's sooner though so we can move Nicholas into Nathan's room and get them settled into the routine of sleeping in the same room. Once Nic is moved, I can set up the crib in his old room. Nic is pretty excited about the move into the bunk bed and into Nathan's room. He sees it as graduating into a bigger big boy. Whatever floats your boat little man! LOL

So that's the update for now. Maybe I'll update again before the baby actually arrives. LOL

Nathan's Accomplishment

My Nathan has made a big step...he's learned how to ride a two wheeler WITH NO TRAINING WHEELS!!!!!

He was so nervous last year and self defeating. He was so sure that he couldn't do it that he didn't. This year, he begged for the training wheels but we told him it was time to sink or swim without them. He looked seriously skeptical but he put enough trust in his Daddy and let it rip. Now you can literally SEE his confidence growing each time he starts and stops his bike.

He begs to be taken on a bike ride every day now. Stephen is going to have to bring down his own bike now and get the chain greased and his tires inflated so that he can get going and keep up with Nathan. I swear our bikes haven't been used since before Nathan was born so it may need some work. LOL

Baby boy with big words

I hadn't even noticed but it was pointed out during recent visits by my in-laws that Nicholas is really growing up and his vocabulary is growing almost daily.

While my Mother-in-law and Father-in-law were visiting, we heard Nicholas using Actually and Ridiculous on a regular basis. He was using them well and in proper context. My Mother-in-law hadn't seen Nicholas in 5 or 6 months so this was a huge change for her.

While my Sister-in-law was visiting, we were talking about caterpillars and butterflies. We were telling the boys about how a caterpillar eats and eats and eats then it makes a nice cozy house for itself and has a long nap. After the nap, it comes out as a pretty butterfly. Nicholas sat there, drinking up the information we were giving then pipes up, "Oh, a CHRYSALIS!"

My sister-in-law and I just about dropped dead with shock! We were trying to dumb it down for a 3 year old and he shoots back proper terminology. LOL Guess he showed us, eh? LOL

I guess 6 months makes a big difference in little kids. LOL

Funny how the mind works

This morning, while he was showering, Stephen had the wierdest thoughts...

He started thinking about the kids and their initials. By using their initials, he found out their futures; sort of.

Nathan James Lee = NJL = In Jail (if you say it fast enough, it makes sense LOL) He's our trouble maker!

Nicholas Arthur Lee = NAL = Nail, as in tough as nails (my medically fragile baby HaHaHa) or he's gonna nail you (fighter, contact sports, etc)

(I won't give the name away since some people don't want to know the sex) NML = Animal (hard to train or rein in) or a Party Animal

Things that make you go HMMMMMMM! LOL And we didn't want to put labels on our kids...LOL

Maybe we're getting somewhere now

We saw the GI specialist again today. She confirmed that all the test thus far have been normal. Nicholas does not have an auto immune disorder that is attacking his body and he isn't lacking enzymes or what not that would prevent digestion or the break down of fats. His cholesterol is good as well. We still don't know WHY he has gall stones, he just does.

As it stands right now, she wants to recheck his liver enzymes and another test that has been missed so far. In the mean time, she's sending a referal to a surgeon to have Nic's gall bladder removed. We still need to wait to see the guy and then wait for the actual surgery so I still think it'll be done after the baby arrives. Oh won't THAT be a fun time? NOT!!!!

The surgeon is the same one that removed the tumour from Nathan's arm in 2006. At least I know what I'm in for with this guy.

6 Unimportant things about me

I was tagged by http://uncontrollablecuriosity.blogspot.com/ The meme topic is to share six unimportant things about myself and then to tag six other people to do the same thing.Here are the rules:1. Link back to the person who tagged you.2. Post these rules on your blog.3. Share six unimportant things about yourself.4. Tag six random people at the end of your entry.

1. I am the only blood related grandchild on my Dad's side of the family.

2. I was told I would never have children of my own. (I'm a mother of 2 and I am due with #3 in late August. #1 and #3 were complete surprises, #2 was the only one that was planned.)

3. All the men I have ever dated have been of Scottish decent. (Not planned that way, its just the way things turned out)

4. I was an A and B average student but too lazy (or lacking study skills) to fully reach my potential. If I had actually studied, I think I would have been a straight A student.

5. I started to develop early and got my first bra at 9 or 10 years old.

6. I am such a klutz that I resemble an over ripe banana more often than not.

I'm having trouble tagging people because my favourite bloggers have already been tagged. I'll just put out a general challenge to my friends and family to post 6 unimportant things about themselves.

I took Nicholas for another liver ultrasound this past Thursday. It was to follow-up on the first one and to confirm the findings.

The original findings have been confirmed. He has one lonely gall stone. It is about half a centimeter in diameter. I asked if it moving around could have caused Nic's problems in August and this past February and the doctor that came in said that more than likely, he had 2 other stones that have passed. The passing of the stones would have caused the pain, the liver enlargement, and the enzyme elevation.

His current stone cannot pass on it's own because the duct is just a little too small at only 4 mm.

On the good side, the liver looks good. First indicators said that it was fatty but that proved not true. The bile duct is good too. There is no swelling to be seen at the moment.

So now we wait some more. Nic's next appointment with the GI specialists in May 22nd. We'll have to see what they have to say.

Update on Stephen and Me

Wow, it's been about 2 weeks and no one has hassled me about slacking! LOL

Any way, things have been up and down and maybe a little upside down around here. Stephen and I have finally tried to clean out the storage room a little and the section we've taken care of is GREATLY reduced. The area under the stairs has been jammed with boxes and rubber bins since we moved in here 4 years ago. Some of the boxes had not seen the light of day since the day I packed them. We were ruthless and garbaged what we had to, posted the stuff we want to get rid of and packed the rest away. We have less than half the stuff that we used to. Now, if we could get to the rest of the storage room and put in some shelves to get things organized. Eventually! As long as I can crawl through the mess to get the crib at some point between now and the end of August. LOL

Stephen has been offered a new job. He's been working hard in a labour intensive job since the end of November and has now been offered a supervisory position with another company. He'll be doing the evening shift, supervising 7 people, doing load planning, logistics, and delegating duties. I'm pretty proud of him.

I'm still pregnant and feeling it more and more every day. The baby is making its presence known more frequently and once or twice I've caught movement on the outside. It'll be fun when Stephen and the boys can experience that too.

I'm having some mild swelling issues in my feet, hands and face but it's only bad when the weather warms up. So far my blood pressure has remained steady so for now I'm still on my feet. I'm definitely more tired this time around but since this is the last time I'm doing this, I'm going to enjoy it all. (Famous last words. LOL)

A Meeting at the School

I had the appointment at the school with Nathan's teacher, the school counsellor, and the school district psychologist. It was rather enlightening.

Nathan's big skills are in non-verbal, hands on areas and his verbal areas are seriously lacking. To average out his scores, he fits into the average for his age but if you look at them separately...WOW, what a difference.

Some of what was said wasn't a surprise, I already knew that he was a hands on, impulsive type of kid and his language skills are lacking. Basing her opinion on her education and experience, the psychologist can reasonably say that Nathan has a language based learning disability.

At this point, all we can do is modify some of his stuff to make it more fun, more creative, and more visual. The earlier grades can be modified in such a way but later on there may be some trouble doing that. This is great information to be passed on to his Grade One teacher so she can "understand his unique set of skills and weaknesses".

The psychologist recommends further and repeated audiology testing. Although his last test was clear and there doesn't appear to be any more hearing loss, his history of ear infections and fluid causing mild hearing loss could repeat itself. She also recommends he be tested for a Central Auditory Processing Disorder. That can't be done until he's at least 7. The psychologist said that he can wait until later fall to do that since there will be a some big changes right after he turns 7; the baby is due that month and he'll be starting Grade One.

All in all, the meeting went well. It confirmed some of my suspicions and let me know that no one is at fault. Neither the school nor us the parents are failing Nathan. We now have some ideas on how to help Nathan succeed and that is what my goal was. I didn't want him "labeled" but I wanted an understanding of why he was struggling. Now I have some ideas and I can proceed with helping him in a more visual, creative way.

On another slightly different topic, Nicholas was getting a little restless during the meeting so he was taken down to Nathan's class room. Nathan just lit up when he saw Nic. Nicholas went in, sat next to Nathan on the mats and did whatever the big kids were doing. He even tried to play BINGO with the big kids. Nathan and another boy helped Nic with his BINGO card.

I asked Nic what he did in the class and he said, " I learned stuff!" He was so happy to be in school with Nathan. LOL Nic was so upset when I said that we had to leave to run errands and that Nathan was going to stay at the school. Nic wanted to stay at school with Nathan. I felt kind of bad for him since he was having so much fun but he's only 3 and a half and not ready for kindergarten. Although, he'd probably say that he was. LOL Poor kid.

Horrible Mommy Moment

Basing my opinion on the fact that Nicholas has one visible gall stone and potentially more that are not seen yet, I think I sent him into a gall bladder attack this week.

I made fried chicken one night and Nicholas ate half a breast. The following morning, he woke up complaining that his belly hurt then promptly had a technicolour yawn. He got sick a few more times over the space of 5 hours then was perfectly fine.

I'm pretty sure it wasn't food poisoning since Nathan ate the other half of the chicken breast and wasn't sick at all the next day.

I called the GI clinic and they said to call back the next morning if he was still sick and they'd fax over another lab requisition. Since he was fine by then, I didn't do it.

A gall bladder attack may fit...greasy food then belly pain and vomiting lasting less than 12 hours. Oh, the questions I'll have at the next appointment.

Parasite #3

I had my first OB appointment last Monday. It was a short and sweet visit. No big pile of paperwork since I had been a patient back in 2004. The only info that had changed was my work number.

My blood pressure was 140/70 which is consistant to what I've been sitting at all pregnancy. The baby's heartbeat was strong and it kept moving away from the doppler. Nathan was the same way, he hated the monitors. He'd skitter away until there was no room left then he started to kick or punch them away. Only my kids eh? LOL

Dr. Jiwa wants me back on the Metformin because it may help slow my weight gain and control any potential blood sugar issues. I've dodge the gestational diabetes bullet twice before but you never know what will happen this time. This pregnancy has been so easy on me so far that SOMETHING has to go wrong. LOL Yes, I'm a glass half empty type. LOL

She sent me for some more blood tests too. Mostly just to get a baseline so if something starts to spike we'll see it right away and be able to deal with it before it gets out of hand. I still have to do my 24hr urine collection and a blood test after that. Again it is only to get a baseline. It's all to do with my high blood pressure.

The OB has ordered my next ultrasound. Hopefully we'll get better images this time. So I'll be doing the pee-pee dance again on Tuesday.

So everything is going well for the time being on the baby front.

Nicholas's latest GI appointment

I took Nic into the GI clinic on April 10th. I ended up pretty disappointed.

After loads of waiting (go figure, it's a specialist's office) the doctor was only with us for a few minutes. She ordered more blood tests and another liver ultrasound. Apparently the first ultrasound wasn't totally clear because Nicholas was full of gas. I always knew he was a little stinker. LOL

Any way, he has ONE gall stone that may be the cause of all his troubles. The doctor wants another ultrasound to see if it has gotten bigger, smaller, moved, asexually reproduced, etc.

His liver was not enlarged at the latest appointment so he's OK for now. I asked about an MRI or a CT scan to maybe see the gall bladder and liver better and she said that he'd have to be sedated and she wants to avoid putting him under until they have to. He's already had anesthetic 3 times. She kind of wants to wait and see for a while longer. We're already scheduled for the next liver ultrasound and his next appointment and the blood tests were done that day.

I asked about doing the liver biopsy and she said that she'd have to consult with yet another doctor. She apparently has "learned from her mistakes". She has done liver biopsies then found out that another doctor needs in on the case and he'll need samples too so they have to redo the biopsy. So, we're gonna wait on that one for a little while longer too. She needs to see the new liver ultrasound and the blood test results before she does anything else.

I left the appointment very disappointed. I know they have to do tests to get a diagnosis but hasn't he had enough tests already?

Ultrasound for Baby #3

I made the appointment, drank the GALLONS of water required, then tried to lay still as an evil sadist of an ultrasound tech ran a cold gelled wand across my belly.

OK, so she wasn't much of a sadist, she let me get up twice during the exam to make my bladder gladder. LOL I was so bloody full! LOL

I had my suspicions that this baby wasn't as old as I hoped. With 40-45 day cycles I can't see me ovulating at the same time as a "normal" woman with a 28 day cycle. It was pretty close though; I had it calculated at 18 weeks 3 days and the tech said 18 weeks 1 day. Not too bad. However, I can see the dates still changing because she could only get one measurement to make her guesstimate with.

The baby was laying in a weird position so getting all the appropriate measurements and views was next to impossible. Saying that, I'll have to go in for another ultrasound in the near future to get further info.

However, even though the baby was in a weird position, we could still see the heart beating (just couldn't get the info the radiologist needs) and we got quite a clear view of this not so shy baby's nether bits. We (Stephen, the boys and I) know what it is but because some family members do NOT want to know (and they occasionally read this blog) I cannot spill the beans here. Head to motherhood.ca or eventually I'll say it on Facebook. Or ask me via email...Or you can call me...Or text even! LOL

All in all, there were 2 arms, 2 legs, a heartbeat, 2 heads (KIDDING) and lots of movement. Yes Hope and Carol, there was only 1 baby in there. TOLD YA! LOL

The latest on Nic's medical saga

Last week Nicholas had his liver ultrasound. The tech seemed to be measuring a lot of little things but I couldn't tell what any of it was. For all I know, she was measuring the veins, valves, etc in and around the liver.

Today the pediatrician saw us to discuss the ultrasound results. There wasn't a lot indicated but there appears to be some small gall stones in Nic's gallbladder. Strange! Still, the way Nic developed his symptoms is not consistent with gall stones. For Nic to be so sick and so jaundiced, it would have taken a large stone to block the bile duct and he only has little ones.

Any ways, we're still not any further ahead with a diagnosis but I think we may be getting there...eventually.

Nic has to see a Peds GI doctor on April 10th. The original Peds GI doc is good but apparently this other one is THE ONE to see for liver problems. Maybe she'll have more news for me by then. A liver biopsy is still a distinct possibility in our future.

17 and a half weeks Preggo

Still not a lot of news on the baby front. I still feel pretty good most of the time. Tired, but functional.

I'm having weird cravings off and on. It's all by the power of suggestion too. I see a commercial or billboard and I HAVE to have it. Last night it was stuffing...I was fully prepared to make a box of Stove Top stuffing and eat it all. I still might because I'm still craving it.

I have my first ultrasound on April 1st so I'm getting very excited about it. I hope that he/she/it/they show the goods and is/are growing healthy.

My first appointment with the OB is April 14th so I'll get all the gory details then.

Less than 3 weeks from the half way mark, only 22 and a half weeks left until baby time. LOL

A surprise for my Dad

I had hoped to get out to BC to see my Dad and help celebrate his 60th birthday. I got the chance a couple weekends ago. I used my AirMiles and flew in under the cover of secrecy. I'd plotted with his girlfriend Karen, his friend Robin and a couple of guests for a surprise lunch party.

It didn't quite go according to plan but it was still a good visit. Dad almost didn't come out for the lunch because he hurt his foot and could barely walk. Karen had to finally spill the beans to get him out of the house. Some of the guests weren't able to attend because of previous plans and because of a medical emergency involving a member of the church.

I was supposed to meet up with some online Mommy friends on the Monday but they all ended up sick or their kids were sick. Unfortunately, we missed out on a lunch but some things can't be helped. I ended up hanging out with my Dad, yapping about everything and nothing. LOL

We had a lovely dinner with Karen and her Mom at Karen's condo in Harrison. Good visit, good company, they had good wine. LOL

I flew home on the Tuesday to a very happy hubby and two little munchkin boys. They survived ok without me...guess I can make this a habit, flying out and leaving them to their own devices. LOL Not likely!

A change to the ordinary

I've got a few different things to write about so I'll be doing a couple of posts. This is the least important one but still a change from the ordinary. LOL

As I was driving home from Nic's pediatrician appointment, I saw a very dark, African American man walking north in the middle of 124th Street, just north of 111 Avenue, completely STARKERS! NAKED!

I called the police but they'd already been made aware of this man. There were several vehicles that had pulled over and were watching the guy, waiting for the police, making sure he didn't get hurt, so I just kept driving.

Like I said, a BIG change from my ordinary life. LOL

The saga continues

We saw the GI guy yesterday. He was pretty thorough because he's as flummoxed as we are about why this has happened again.

He had to do a rectal exam because when Nic pushes, something pink and fleshy pokes out. He might have a small bowel prolapse or a polyp or even a hemorrhoid but that is unlikely as little kids don't normally have hemorrhoids. You'd think that Nic would have put up a BIG fight but he was too busy making Goo Goo eyes at the 4th year med student that was working with the GI specialists. Nic told us all the way home that he missed the girl doctor. What a kid, eh? Must take after his grandfather. LOL

Nic had another mountain of blood tests to have run. He ordered a full liver panel (Well DUH!), some nephrology (kidney) tests, a thyroid test, some Vitamin tests, some for amino acids and heaven only knows what else. The vampires at the lab took 8 vials from the little monster. On top of the blood tests, he had to pee in a cup and now I have to get poo samples again. I have to limit his diet for 3 days then for another 3 days as I get the samples. We did this last year and it totally sucks. Especially because he's not in diapers anymore and I have to collect it in a bowl before it hits the toilet water. EWWWWW!

Now, depending on what the ultrasound next week and this latest set of blood tests indicate, we may need to do a liver biopsy. Nic will have to be sedated then with an ultrasound guiding them, they'll stick a HUGE freaking needle into his liver to suck up a sample. Because the liver is so vascular, Nic will be held overnight for observation so he doesn't bleed out. That will be fun as I'll be the size of a house with this pregnancy. How am I supposed to sleep on those piddly "captain's beds" they have on the kid's wards? Its like camping out on a foamy on a mountain ledge. Maybe I'll just cuddle Nic in his bed and sleep with him. LOL More cushions. LOL

So folks, please keep my little tank in your thoughts and keep the good wishes coming. We need answers of some sort or another. Even if it's not the greatest of news, it's an answer and we can start treating him.

I'm not a slacker, Just preoccupied LOL

I've been accused of being a slacker again and it has only been about 2 weeks since my last report. In those 2 weeks, I've been a little preoccupied...

Some of you may remember WAY back in August/September of last year that Nicholas started having severe belly pains then started vomiting. It took 3 weeks to manifest itself totally but eventually, he turned yellow, his liver was enlarged, his liver enzymes were through the roof and he was pooping old black blood. Well, 2 weeks ago, he started with the belly pain again. It quickly turned to vomiting. A lot and very frequently. By a week and a half, he was turning yellow.

I had been in at the local hospital for Gravol and/or pain relief for him but they didn't do much. They referred us back to the pediatrician but one did listen and did blood tests. Those tests indicated that Nic's liver enzymes were elevating.

Last Saturday, I took him into the Stollery Peds ER and they did more tests. His levels were even higher and he was yellow by this point. They supposedly sent in a referral to see a GI specialist but I've called the specialist myself now and they have no record of the referral. However, after telling the nurse the situation, she said to call the booking office, and get Nicholas an appointment ASAP as per Andrea. I called this morning and we have an appointment for Thursday (tomorrow).

Nic is doing better now though. He was retested on Monday and his liver enzymes are all back to normal. He is not in any crisis at the moment but I want some answers. Last August/September this happened and it took 3 weeks to manifest and 3 weeks to come down to normal again. This time, it happened the same way but at double time; only a week and a half to manifest itself.

Last year I accepted the doctors's response of, "It was probably a virus. It has run it's course. It happened, it's over and he'll be fine. We don't know WHY it happened, it just did." I didn't LIKE it but I accepted the non-answer...This time I won't. There has to be a reason for this to happen a second time.

In the mean time, Nic's pediatrician has ordered an ultrasound to take a look at Nic's liver and some more blood tests. I found out last summer that there is a family history of an abnormality in either the 13th or 14th chromosome. If it is the 13th chromosome, he might have or at least be a carrier of something called Wilson's Disease. The pediatrician said it was a long shot but worth looking into because of the family history of an abnormality.

So, that is why I haven't been very talkative in people's blogs nor writing much in mine. I've been reading, but I haven't been commenting. Hopefully I'll be more social soon. Catch up with everyone later.

All is right in my world

I'm almost 14 weeks pregnant and I'm still feeling pretty good. No nausea (Sorry Erin and Dani, I know the 2 of you found my nausea and have suffered on my behalf.) and only minor symptoms otherwise.

I'm finally feeling my energy coming back so I'm less likely to need an afternoon nap. I still want to go to bed earlier but I'm growing out of my naps. LOL

Speaking of naps, Nicholas is now night trained too. OK, follow me here, naps = sleeping = nighttime sleep = night trained 3 year old. Nicholas has obviously been watching his big brother and has decided that he wants to be a big boy too and wear underwear to bed at night. He's done really well too; no accidents in 2 weeks. Having said that, he'll probably have an accident tonight. LOL Murphy's Law!

Nicholas is also trying to get the whole Dab Dab and wiping his butt by himself thing done. He wants to go to school like his big brother and he can't go until he can use the toilet by himself and put his undies and pants on again by himself. He's starting to head to the toilet, after informing me, then shutting the door in my face to go pee by himself. He still calls me in to dry him off and wipe his heinie. Good thing he's cute or I wouldn't put up with this crap! (Yes, pun intended!)

Nathan will be assessed by the school district psychologist on March 5th. Sometime in the 3 weeks following that assessment, the psychologist, the teacher, Stephen and I will meet to de-brief and come up with a plan to help Nathan succeed. I dread that appointment as much as I welcome it.

Nathan has been getting really favourable reports from the teacher lately. She has let me know that he's doing more complex patterns than she anticipated and he's really trying hard in copying his words from the board. Nathan was pretty happy; his work got a coveted tiger stamp put on it and the teacher tiger growled at him when she handed it back. His face lights up when he tells me that.

Stephen took me to a work social thing last weekend. We had a small dinner and went 10 pin bowling. My poor arm and shoulder are giving me grief now because I'm not used to that type of motion anymore. Either that or I'm just getting old...I'll be 34 in May. LOL Please don't hurt me if you are older than that...I'm just trying to torture you. LOL

And on the age topic, today is my Dad's 60th birthday. Welcome to Seniorsville! LOL The man still works full-time, Monday through Friday with mentally handicapped adults. He can't be THAT old if he can still handle those challenges. Remember, he went back to school in his mid to late 50s and got a certificate? diploma? to be a Community Support Worker. He has worked exclusively with challenged adults since he graduated. I'm pretty proud of the old guy...maybe he doesn't need to be put down just yet. LOL Love you Dad and Happy Birthday!

12 week appointment

I had my 12 week prenatal appointment this morning. Oh what FUN! Not really!

I met with the nurse first and did my medical history, labour and delivery history, immediate family history...all the fun details. She did my height and weight and took my blood pressure. low 140s over 84. Little high-ish but nothing too concerning at the moment.

I met with the doctor and she did all her gory stuff. She handed me 2 requisitions for blood work and one for an ultrasound (to be done around 18 weeks, first week of April). I visited the vampires at the hospital to have 4 vials taken. It just so happened that I had been fasting (ran out of time so didn't eat breakfast) so I did the 8Hr fasting glucose test. Whoopie! I didn't have to go back later! Little victories, you know. LOL

We did hear the heartbeat but the little begger wouldn't stop moving so we couldn't get a count on it. We'd hear it then it would move. Whatever it is, it is already a trouble maker.

I should hear from my doctor's office or the OB's office late this week or early next week. Should be interesting.

Stephen plays dirty

Stephen and I couldn't decide what we were going to do for Valentine's Day. I just figured we'd exchange cards, try to be nice to each other, whatever right? Well he went and surprised me with a pendent. It has one white gold and one rose gold heart with a diamond on a white gold chain.

You could have pushed me over with a feather. I really did not expect this. It's very pretty. Now I feel guilty because I didn't get him anything except a card. Bad Wifey! lol

Update to I Have to Cross the Border

When I was in to have my blood pressure checked by my doctor, I asked what the results of my second rheumatoid arthritis test was. The results were normal. I do NOT have arthritis.

Having ruled out arthritis, lupus, MS, brain tumours, and anything dietary, it appears I have fibromyalgia. Granted, I am functional as I am at this moment. Being pregnant makes seeking treatment almost impossible so I'll wait and see what happens after the baby is born and after I've done my breastfeeding "thing" for a year. I'll have to see what my body does at that point and decide what I want to do.

I have a name for why my (almost) 34 year old body is acting like an 80 year old's. LOL

Some medical excitement for me

We've had some excitement over the last little while with me and my pregnancy.

A week ago, I was exhausted. Not just first trimester exhausted, but even pore of my being was exhausted. I folded 10 towels then had to rest. I unloaded the dishwasher then had to rest before filling it up again. I washed 2 bathroom sinks and 2 toilets and needed to rest. It was just a really bad day.

By the time Stephen got home, I was barely able to move. Just as an experiment, I took my blood pressure. I wondered if maybe things were out of whack. Yeah, they were. The lower number of the blood pressure was fine but the upper number kept spiking. Between 143 and 158 over 75 all weekend.

I called Healthlink on Saturday to see when I should be concerned and the nurse said to go in to be assessed that night. I ignored her because I still needed to make supper then we were going to Monster Jam. (The boys loved it)

By Monday, I had received a fair amount of crap from my online friends to go get assessed. I called my doctor and she got me in THAT day. My blood pressure in the office was perfectly normal. She did however say that she firmly believes that I will have to go on something by the end of this pregnancy to control my BP, just nothing right now.

Then, a couple nights ago, I had fallen asleep in my recliner holding Nicholas. Nathan decided to come and sit with me too but he did it in a really rough manner. He ran at me, jumped and came down, full force on my lower belly with both his knees. I bellowed in pain, scared the crap out of Nicholas and used all my willpower to not throttle Nathan where he stood.

Through reading, I found out that the baby should still be nicely protected by my pubic bone. Still, my belly hurt like nothing else. The next morning, I was still in a lot of pain so I broke down and went into the ER. The nurses were equally concerned and even if the baby is fine, there could have been damage to my insides that would have occurred even if I wasn't pregnant.

My nurse in the ER was fabulous. She ended up coming into the room with a Doppler to see if she could find the baby's heart beat. She warned me that she may not find it and that didn't mean the baby was lost, just that it was still too small to be found.

She persisted. She tried angle after angle and moved the wand so many times. She pointed out what all the sounds were until she finally found the heart beat. I was beyond happy to hear that sound.

The doctor finally decided to grace me with his presence and as soon as I saw him I knew I should have a) left or b) insisted on a different doctor. I've dealt with this asshole on a few different occasions and he's been an ass every time.

He spoke to me like I was an idiot. He said that x-rays were out because I was pregnant. Well, DUH! He pointed out that there was no way the baby could have been harmed because of it's low position within the pubis. He wouldn't even think about an ultrasound or make a referal for an ultrasound. Even after I told him point blank that I was concerned also for myself and possible damage to ME. He poked my belly a couple of times and said that it is soft so there can't be any damage. OK, I just asked about it, he didn't have to reprimand me for being concerned about my own bloody health.

The topper on all of this was his insistance that there was no way to track the baby and it's heart beat because it is still so low and small. I told him that the nurse had found it and his face fell. He sputtered a couple of times then yelled that my bladder MUST have been really full and pushed the baby up and out of my pubic bone or I'm totally wrong on my dates. OK, I don't care which one it was, I heard the heart beat and Dr. JerkWad wasn't going to take that away from me.

He told me to leave a urine sample and to take Tylenol for the pain. I had to wait for the nurse to come back to get a label for my little pee jar so I got dressed and waited. When she came in, we chuckled together about how SOME doctors downplay and disregard the nurses' abilities. Those highly trained doctors would be lost without their nurses. I know many nurses end up covering a doctor's ass from time to time. I have great respect for nurses and little to no respect for doctors with either a God complex or an attitude of entitlement.

So, basically, I'm well, the baby's well and all is mostly right in my part of the world. By the way, the heart rate was 168 beats per minute. Some of my friends think this means a girl but Nathan was always up high like that too. He was always doing extreme sports in there so his heart rate was always through the roof. We shall see what comes out in August or September. LOL

Don't take the bullshit handed to you.

That's the advice given to me by Nathan's pediatrician.

Just after Christmas, I took Nathan to see his pediatrician about maybe getting referals or tests to see why he's struggling so much in school. He appears to be eager and listening but from the time instructions are given to the time he does the stuff, he forgets what he's supposed to be doing. He has no concentration and he seems to forget stuff almost as soon as he's told it.

The doctor told me to get in touch with the school and push to have Nathan assessed through them. He said to push and push and not to take their crap about costs, time, and overload.

I went to the school counsellor and he handed me some paperwork to fill out. I dropped those sheets off about a month ago and I haven't heard anything since. So, I called the counsellor this morning to see what the status was in getting Nathan assessed by the district school psychologist.

The counsellor said that Nathan is on the list to be seen but the psychologist hasn't been in to pick up the paperwork or to do any assessments. He said that she only comes in once or twice a month. One of the points he felt he had to make was that it costs $1000 per child to be assessed and they only assess 18 students per year. So what...? Am I supposed to feel lucky that Nathan's on that list? Oh shit...what if he had been student number 19...He wouldn't be assessed until next year! BULLSHIT!

I'm going to call again next week to see if the psychologist has been in and whether she has interviewed Nathan yet. I'm going to keep calling or going in until they are sick of seeing me.

Nathan is struggling...He is in his second year of kindergarten and I'm not seeing much improvement. Because he's already done this, he'll be put up into Grade 1 whether he's capable of doing the work or not.

Nathan's frustrated so he acts out at home when I try to work with him. If he can't get it, he shuts down. It KILLS me to see this. I feel so helpless.

Hello, my name is Christine and I am a slacker!

Yes, I know...I've been SUCH a slacker! LOL I'm not keeping my multitude of fans updated on the mundanity of my life. LOL

In ANY case, I'm doing not too badly overall. I am 10 weeks and 2 days pregnant. So far I have had little to no nausea with this pregnancy. I've had some minor difficulties like a week long bout of carpel tunnel syndrome where I couldn't move my right hand without wincing in agony and some minor low back and joint pain, but they're not really bothering me too much right now. Sure, I'm tired, very VERY tired, but that's been the worst of it over the long term. Other than that, I just feel kind of PMS-like. So, I guess I'm getting off pretty easy for the early part of this pregnancy.

Nathan still wants a girl and Nicholas still wants a boy. Nicholas wants to name the baby Tarzan. Yeah, I can see THAT happening. LOL

All of my weight gain so far has been in the bust. Go figure! LOL Stephen's getting a kick out of the larger bust. It's almost getting perky...Yeah, WHATEVER! All I can say is, Thank God for supportive bras! I think I'll get to reuse mine as bassinets or hammocks for a set of twins. LOL

I'll be heading back to see my regular doctor in 2 weeks so that we can fill out the reams of paperwork required to refer me to an OB. I hope I'll be able to hear the heartbeat soon. It doesn't seem really real until I hear the heartbeat and see the little alien twitching around on the ultrasound.

There has been a request (or 2) that when and if I find out if the baby is a boy or a girl, I not tell publicly. I want to know what it is but it will just be my luck that the baby will be shy and not show its "goods". I have planning to do, doesn't he/she/it realize that?

Toilets, Pee, and Underwear

Nicholas has finally discovered the joys of not wearing a diaper all day. He is DAY TRAINED!!! He is quite enamoured with wearing big boy underwear and he had a little question..."Why is there a hole in the front of his underwear?" He insisted he needed a new pair and this pair needed to go into the garbage. I had to get Stephen to explain it because I was doubled over laughing. Now it's funny to reach in there and pull out his tally-whacker and let it hang in the breezes. Thank God he only does that at home!

To make pee breaks fun (and because my own bladder has shrunk to the size of a walnut), when Nicholas says he has to go pee, I race him to the washroom. I try to get there first and tell him that I have to pee first. He just laughs at me and tells me that he gets to go first. He knows that I wouldn't make a new toilet user wait. Little turkey!

He's so proud of himself when it comes to the whole toilet routine. He needs to share it with me every...single...time! He's very capable of stripping down to do what needs to be done but he likes Mommy to be there as an audience. Privileged, aren't I? LOL Every once in a while he'll let Daddy in on the experience but mostly, he likes Mommy to be there.

With the toilet training and big boy underwear comes the fascination with his butt. He's proud of his. Very Proud. Ever watch your 3 year old give himself a wedgie then proudly parade around the house, taunting you to "get his butt"? You're missing a funny time. I don't know how many times he's lead one of us on a wild chase around the house. Ah, it gives us grown ups some exercise. LOL His favourite "trick" now is to hide around a corner, jump out in full wedgie, wiggling his tushie at us. Very reminiscent of Nathan who used to hide around corners, strip down and throw his clothes into the room just before jumping out in jumping jack formation to yell, "I GOT NAKED!"

I have a couple of exhibitionists on my hands. And who would have guessed I could have a whole post about my kid's fascination with toilets, underwear and his butt? LOL

Holy Craper-Doodle!

I did an oopsie! LOL

I found out last night that I'm expecting baby #3. I confirmed it today with an appointment with my doctor. I expect to be due August 30th. This means another hot summer being VERY pregnant.

I just realized that it appears Stephen and I only do the deed when the weather gets cold. Nathan was conceived in November 2000 and was born August 2001. Nicholas was conceived in December 2003 and born September 2004. This one was conceived in November 2007 and, like I said, is due August 2008.

Why do I do this to myself? LOL Of course, I blame Stephen. LOL

I think we had jinxed ourselves. I had donated the majority of the baby and toddler clothes to charity, we'd been discussing how the boys are getting old enough to appreciate and remember vacations (Disneyland was in the works for this year or next), we're happy with 2 boys and all their challenges, and Stephen had agreed that if I made the appointment, he'd get snipped. I think we're a little late on THAT one. LOL

I still have the big stuff, crib, high chair, stroller, and exersaucer but we'll still need to get a new carseat and a bunk bed set up for the boys.

Nathan wants a girl and Nicholas wants a boy. Stephen and I just want healthy. Granted, after 2 boys, I'd be over the moon with an infusion of pink but healthy is the first priority. In the mean time, I'm booking Stephen's appointment. LOL

So much for losing 30 pounds, eh? LOL