I've been thinking lately (scary, I know) and I've decided that I need to clear something up to myself and to my Dad (who might be reading this).
A ways back, I posted the lyrics to a song and said that I was thinking about my Dad's girlfriend. It came off pretty sour and hurtful. So that is what I'm trying to clear up.
To make myself clear, I don't dislike Karen. I've never met the woman. That is what I think is part of the problem. Because I've never met her, I only have what my Dad says about her (which is pretty limited) and what thoughts go racing through my mind. I don't have anything to base my opinions on. I can't tell what her intentions are or what kind of person she is.
My fears are what drive me insane. I'm afraid that she's going to try and replace my Mom. I have no basis for this fear but it is mine none the less. I have a lot of pessimistic thoughts about this because I've heard, seen and been a part of several messy family events. My Dad is the only family that talks to me on a regular basis. He's my only remaining parent and he's got a life that I'm not part of. Sometimes I feel like I don't know him anymore and that he's only calling me because he feels obligated to. In my mind, I know that this isn't true but sometimes my heart breaks to think about what we've both lost.
It definitely doesn't help that we live in 2 different provinces. If we lived closer, I'm sure there would be less fear on my part. I would have had the opportunity to meet Karen and maybe start a relationship/friendship/mutual acceptance or whatever.
So ultimately, it looks like my fear is driving my obsession with my Dad's relationship. This is the first long term, fairly serious relationship he's had (or at least told me about, LOL) since my Mom died. I'm just scared that I'm going to lose my last parent. Again, there is no basis for this and it is totally irrational but it is the way I feel.
Maybe next year there will be an opportunity for us to meet and I can put my fears to rest.
Our Childhoods, Cake Wrecked
18 hours ago
5 comments:
Talk to your dad. He may be feeling the same thing. Think of it as gaining a friend , not taking the place of your mother.
Fathers never give up on their daughters.You are close to the same age as my oldest.
Hi Christine. I also had unfounded, irrational thoughts about my own Dad and his common law wife. My mother is still alive but my parents had been apart for years. There was no reason for me to resent my Dad's new wife but I did. Couldn't stand her. And to make me feel even more guilty about it, she was so good to Dad.
Moose said to think of it as gaining a friend but in my case that would be too much. I never felt friendly towards her but my sister and I were polite and that's all anyone can expect.
You know, it's never easy when a parent 'moves on.' I remember feeling very bittersweet towards my stepmom; I think my stepdaughter often feels like i am a 'threat' to her relationship with Daddy, too. It's funny and interesting to watch, since she really has no idea that it would never even cross my mind to compete for her Dad's attention.
What I am trying to say is, try and put yourself in your Dad's shoes, and karen's. I bet the feelings of insecuity will dissipate a lot.
Besides, you still have me, your long-distance sister.
Words of wisdom my friends...words of wisdom.
And no fair Hope, you made me cry!
My Dad and I talked after he read this. It was good.
I didn't realize how much I wanted to hear what he had to say. I'm glad we talked, even though I took a passive aggressive route; the final destination was the same.
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