Mrs. Kenney's class trip to the fire station is [why Mrs. Kenney is dreading] Tuesday morning. The children will walk there [and/or hop, skip, and lie on the sidewalk, sobbing that it wasn't Sienna's turn to be Door Holder]. If you'd like to chaperone, please [for the LOVE of God!] tell Mrs. Kenney.
At the station, Fire Captain Joe [or whoever draws the short straw] will teach the class fire-safety basics. [Prepare to hear your child bellow, "Stop, drop and roll!" 36 times a day, as well as wake you regularly at 2 A.M. convinced he smells smoke even though absolutely nothing is burning except your own exhausted eyeballs.] The captain will also hand out Smokey Bear posters, pamphlets, and colouring books [that, ironically, will make your home even more flammable].
After punch and candy provided [with remarkably poor timing] by the station, the children will get to aim a running fire hose [at Mrs. Kenney], meet the firehouse dog [and pull his tail], and try on a real firefighter hat [that they'll refuse to take off without howls and tears]. Then Mrs. Kenney will take [two extra-strength Excedrin and] a group picture beside the hook and ladder. Prints will be sent home [assuming that, unlike last year, five boys don't drop their pants just as the shutter clicks, eager to demonstrate how they would put out the fire by peeing on it].
Sincerely,
Patty [rhymes with "Batty"] Kenney
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My child, ___________________, has my permission to go on the fire station field trip.
OR
My child, ___________________, will be unable to go on the fire station field trip. [YES!!!!!]
Date:______________
Parent's/Guardian's signature_______________________
Please enclose $2 to help cover the cost of post-field trip refreshments *
*[for Mrs. Kenney, who will be doing Jell-O shots the moment school lets out]
1 comment:
Bahahaha that is too funny!
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